The path of least resistance is laid out quite nicely before us. The manufactured home is beautiful. It is not, as far as I know, a short sale. It has a beautifully manicured front yard and an equally beautiful complete disaster of a backyard. It has a pretty kitchen. It has a breakfast nook and a formal dining area. It has a master bathroom with a big bathtub. It's in a quiet area. We could have dogs. We both like it. It's a perfect option. I feel good about it.
I also feel saddened. Getting this house now doesn't mean that we won't be able to, eventually, live the kind of lifestyle we want to live. It does mean that, for right now, we'll be living a pared-down parody of the kind of life we want. It feels like this first step will set the tone for the rest of our lives. We've been making do for 2 years. I've been making do for 8 years before that. It was a good time. I learned a lot and created myself in ways that I probably don't yet understand. What we are creating, now, is an eternity. We are setting the tone for ourselves and for our children. What will it mean if we sacrifice what we want now for the sake of something that is secure and good?
Our other options? Ryan said it well last night. "We have no options, so we have too many." In other words, because we don't really have a clear path before us, we can literally do anything. Heck, we could sell most of what we have, pack up the rest, and go to a foreign country. A part of me gets a little thrill at the thought. At the same time, that sort of thing would be far more difficult now than it would have been a couple of years ago... before the schprid. We could move to a different state. We could rely on parents. We could downsize our lives yet again. We could buy a little plot of land somewhere and start our community garden business idea. Literally, we could do anything.
To me, the options are pretty clear at the moment. We make an offer on the house. We fight for it. We get it, we move in, we learn how to garden in Utah. We have another child. Ryan gets his salary and I finish school. In a few years we move again (probably because there's another child on the way and we've run out of room...). This time, maybe, we get another step closer to what we actually want. Maybe we've become accustomed to making do, and so we keep wishing and hoping for someday.
Or, we take a leap now. We wait for Ryan to get a salary. We miss the $8000 tax credit. We buy a place with some land and get our horses and live, now, closer to how we want to live. We have something to work on at home, something to teach each other, and a legacy that we build and leave to our children with love and with pride and with hours and hours of learning and working and growing together. In the meantime, we still go crazy in this tiny apartment with no yard. Our little girl doesn't know what it's like to even be outside, much less to go outside and play. And, maybe we live closer to how we want to live now, but maybe we can't afford to pay for the things we want. Maybe we lose everything we wanted and realize that what we want is too dangerous for us right now.
So, basically, do we dream big or small? Do we take a big risk now, or do we delay the risk until we maybe don't want to risk, and we maybe become small people doing small things? Family is most important in this decision, I know, but what will serve our family best?
2 comments:
I would love the chance to take a kid to a foreign country!
If you want horse property, have you looked into the South? In rural areas you may find land values cheaper, but then again have to drive a long way to church and the temple.
The question you are asking yourself is: what price am I willing to pay for what I want?
Another thought: if you are unhappy now, in your little apartment, will you be happier just because you moved?
When Anthony was a year from graduation, we realized he should move to Logan and finish school there. We didn't see how we could afford it, and played it safe. Now we truly regret it. But we didn't see how we could afford any more.
Keep in mind President Hinckley's words about debt. He said only for education, a modest home, and a car if absolutely necessary. That's it. I guess you have to define a modest home for yourself.
If you do get horse property, can you afford to keep a horse? Or maybe pay for it by boarding other people's horses and keeping them exercised when they can't be there?
If you decide to rely on family, try not to live in the same house. We've done it with a couple of our kids, and after about six months they found another option. That was about the right amount of time all the way around.
Just a few long thoughts.
Love, Aunt Lynn
WV: adragons--no dragons at all, or even more dragons? Compare to amoral, or afire!
I think you are fighting adragons as you try to make this decision!
Oh I wish I had wise advice to give or comforting words. All I can say is I know what you mean. Jeremy and I are standing on that threshold. We made the leapt we thought we should make and so I guess thats my advice...
Do what you think is best.
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