Monday, February 6, 2012

On a Lighter Note

Thank you, friends, for your wonderful responses to my last post.  I have gotten through a few of the things that have been stressing me out, and now I'm back at the normal level of craziness.  Life is pretty good.  And, I would like to share one of my favorite songs with you.  Enjoy!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Sharing Myself

Today, I don't like myself. 

Do you ever have days like that?  I hope not.

I see myself, today, as a complete failure.  I see my past successes as nothing more than lucky guesses and help from wonderful people around me.  I see future successes as complete impossibilities.  I work so hard, feel that I do so much.  Yet still I fail.  How can I do more?  How can I possibly do what I would need to do to succeed in anything, when doing what I do now is so hard, so tiring?  I suppose I could do more.  I could wrap myself up in emotional armor, and smile at everyone, and speak cheerfully, and think long and hard about how I could squeeze a few more minutes out of my day and a few more tries to be better out of my heart.

Unfortunately, while the minutes and the tries make me feel as though I'm doing better, I'm not sure that, in actuality, I really am doing any better. 

Better at what?  I don't really know.  Everything.

Everything is a lot to tackle.

The smiles and the armor don't take away the tears that are, even now, running down my cheeks. 

I share this with you because I've been here before.  I'm familiar with this place.  As much as I like to think it helps, the armor doesn't do any good.  I'm sharing with you, because right now, it's not too bad.  I'm sharing with you because you're my friend.  I trust you with the pain I feel right now, and hope that by sharing I'm not burdening you too much. 

Nobody's life is roses and sunshine all the time.  Nobody's life is bad poetry all the time.  I'm sharing with you because right now, I need you.  I won't always burden you so, but for right now, may I please feel that I can always burden you? 

Thank you for being my friend.