War and Diplomacy

So there we were, at our campsite with one small picnic table. It was Sunday afternoon, and nothing was planned for another 3 hours. It was gametime.

Trevor had gotten us a game with various races, a playing board that was too small to hold all the inhabitants, and the point was slaughter. It required most of the picnic table to get it set up. Just as we were about to sit and begin our fun, Mom came, sat down at the table, and industriously spread out a map of California. Dad had already been sitting there, and Ryan, who is interested in maps, drifted over to the table as well. That left me, Trevor, Hayley, and Hayley's friend Nicole watching in disbelief as our territory was taken over. The four of us commented on this briefly. Then I announced, "I declare war on Mom!" Apparently I wasn't as loud as I'd thought, because the comment elicited no response from those at the table.

This led to a strategy meeting. Hayley and Nicole weren't interested in playing our game anyway, but Trevor and I devised a perfect strategy. I would distract them by hurling insults, while Trevor would flank them.

A few moments later, our strategy in place, I looked over at the table and loudly called, "Your mother was a rasberry!" Having heard none of our previous conversation, those at the table looked up at me in confusion. Our plan was working! Then, disaster. Trevor, instead of fulfilling his part, got caught up in the heat of the battle and also yelled, "And your father smelled of elderberries!"

"No, no, Trevor, I hurled insults!" I reminded him. "You're supposed to flank them!"

"Oh, yeah," he said, and double-timed it over to Mom's flank. At this point, the people at the table had errupted into laughter. Trevor ran up to Mom at full speed, then stopped right behind her, made deliberate shooing motions with both hands and slowly commanded, "Go Away."

The laughter, at this point, could not be contained.

Of course, Mom couldn't help but point out that we did not have to immediately resort to war; if she'd known we wanted the table for a game, she would have moved. "Diplomacy," she stated, "should always be tried first."

In theory, I agree. But war was funnier.