Before I got married, my friends were, in general, powerful women. We all wanted to get married. I was one of a few who did. And I'm so happy.
I'm happy when my husband comes home.
I'm happy when my daughter smiles at me.
I'm happy that I can make my family laugh.
I'm happy when I don't have to fill out job applications.
I'm happy when I know- as I do every day- that I am loved and cherished.
At the same time, my job description, at the moment, is as follows: Feed the baby. Change her diaper. Get her dressed. Put her down for a nap. Eat breakfast. Do dishes- Don't wake the baby! Take a shower. Feed the baby. Change the baby. Do laundry. Put the baby down for a nap. Check my email/facebook/blog. Cook dinner. Don't wake the baby! Feed the baby. Change the baby. Play with the baby. Put the baby down for a nap. Kiss my husband. Serve dinner. Read a book. Go to bed.
The chores that sustain life have become my life. I suppose that's what it means to be Mom.
I have the joy of keeping in touch with several of my Kindred Spirit Powerful Woman friends. I watch them as they move forward in their lives... they hold down Jobs, buy things like pianos, and horses, and cars, and lasik surgery. They run marathons, or half marathons, and take vacations to exotic places like Australia and Texas. They start gardens and learn how to dance. They leap and bound toward their better selves.
My mouth waters with the thought of these experiences. Envy is probably my chosen sin. And gluttony. I admit, I want to soak in every experience these Powerful Women are having and roll in them until I am sick.
But no, I don't. I wouldn't trade my husband or my daughter for all the jobs, cars and pianos life has to offer.
It seemed to me, last night as I struggled to fall asleep, that at one point I was on the cusp of being a Powerful Woman. I had a job. I bought a car. School held me back, but I was going to do Great Things, too. I was going to jump over the cliff and skydive my way into life's experiences. Instead, I chose another way. I found a gentler path that led down into the green valley below and began my slow descent into happiness. I miss so many of the dangers.
But then, I realized: I can still be a Powerful Woman! Anchored at home as I am, I still have a love and talent for writing that is difficult to fulfill elsewhere. I have a world of information at my fingertips and I still have hopes and dreams. I can learn what I do not know; I can still do Great Things.
Maybe, just maybe, my time is now. I will leap over that edge and fly toward my Powerful Self, knowing that I am tethered to the people who love me most. Maybe...
Wow. Reading Terresa's blog has definitely influenced my writing style. At least, it has for today. What do you think?
4 comments:
Chels, you ARE a Powerful Woman! And I really like the style of your writing here, even if you say someone else has influenced you, I still hear YOU loud and clear. :)
Yes, I see Terresa's influence, coupled with Chelsea's ideas. It's really good.
As for power...it takes true power to tame the impatient soul, to create a child and to raise her, and to love.
You have the power to satisfy someone's hunger, to help them see the better side of life, and to choose your own thoughts.
And yes, you have the power to write, as well. To share these experiences and feelings with honesty and insight, while holding back that which should be held back, is a special kind of talent.
Interesting: today's WV is inqui: which of course makes me think of inquire...
you have the power of curiosity and desire as well.
One last thought:
I once made a list of things I want to do 'someday'
So far I have...
gone on two cruises, one terrible and one wonderful,
ridden a speedboat,
flown on a jet plane,
flown in a small plane (and better than I ever dreamed, with my own son as the pilot,)
lived near a temple,
bought a house (twice)
been home with my kids,
worked outside the home,
lost weight (and regained it, but that's another story)
served a service mission (and maybe a full-time mission will come someday)
stayed married longer than 28 years,
been to Boston and NYC, DC and Gettysburg, Virginia and Maryland.
and many more small things.
You're at the beginning. These things will come when the time is right.
WV: berevin
sounds exotic, like an Arabian food (oh, and I've been to the Epcot Center and eaten Moroccan food)
Hang in there!
Well said, in every way. What a wonderful passage for me to read right as I am starting my contractions! You ARE my powerful friend, and I love reading your blogs. Keep up the loving of life, and never forget your friends who cherish you. :)
Sincerely,
kelty
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