"Boys are not worth the effort it takes to train them." This was the mantra I told myself back when I was bitter about the fact that I had never had a boyfriend and had wanted nothing else for years.
Somehow, through more years of lonely experience, I came to the conclusion that that particular attitude was not going to get me what I actually wanted- a man. And so, I changed my mantra.
"I want a man who is good enough that I don't have to train him." And I wouldn't settle on anything less. This of course meant that I had to be in the habit of not telling others what to do and thinking that my way of doing things was the right way of doing things. After all, if I didn't want to have to train him, I didn't want him to be thinking I would be willing to perform such a service!
And I won. Through the grace of God, I married the most wonderful man I have ever known, bar none. And he needs no training. He watches less tv than I do, doesn't like sweets very much, always wants to help out with whatever needs doing, and takes out the trash- sometimes without being asked! (Of course that's just a miniscule list of his virtues, but I believe that covers many of the "training" issues.)
The funny thing is, he still looks to me for advice on little things. "Where does this go?" "What needs to be done today?" "What do I wear to this event?"
Tonight was such a night. We were packing to go to California, where we will be getting family pictures taken. My Ryan asked me what he should pack... the suit? the khaki pants? the blue shirt? the navy tie?
Well, my friend, I'm sorry to say that I don't know. I wasn't trained in the art of dressing men. Half the time I can barely dress myself. I don't have to know those kinds of things. Those are Mom things to know. "I'm not a Mom!" I finally called out in frivolous desperation.
Ryan smiled.
Cara looked at me, happily smacking on her thumb.
And I turned and left the room to gather up more laundry.
2 comments:
Ah, you are a mom! But you recognize you're not Ryan's mom! And that's awesome.
It really bugs me when I hear women say "I have 5 children!" when they only have 4. Do they really have so little respect for their husbands that they think of them as children?
What happened to the young bride who believed her husband was her knight and she was a princess? Did he let her down, or did she just stop treating him graciously and with trust? Every story is different, but every story probably has some element of both.
So what do we do when they let us down? How do we resolve it? It's going to happen, even if in only small ways like the garbage, so what to do?
After 30 years, I have found that the more I treat him like a man, the more he acts like one. He has total respect for my ability to take care of myself and make decisions, and I try to give him the same respect. And generally he earns it!
But I do sometimes tell him that his black shirt really doesn't go with his royal blue pants!
Love, Aunt Lynn
Haha I love it.
I have realized also that treating my husband like my partner and companion I get the best results in our marriage (it bugs me too when women refer to their husband as their children too, lynn).
I had a similar incident when we did our family photos so I had jer pick out 3 outfits and I choose the one i liked the most :)
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