Because this post is about nursing.
A few weeks ago, my mom asked me if I was enjoying nursing. She asked me in the warm tone of voice that said plainly that she had enjoyed it and fully expected me to enjoy it as well. To tell the truth, until she asked me that, it hadn't even occurred to me that I could enjoy it, much less that it was natural to. Of course, since that time, I've been analyzing it, feeling guilty, etc.
I knew that it would probably hurt for the first little while. It did, more than I had anticipated. I also knew that the pain would pass. It did, and now it generally doesn't hurt anymore.
But I still don't like it. I don't hate it per se, except when we're caught away from home. I suppose that it doesn't help that, ever since puberty hit, I've disliked that part of my anatomy. Combine that with an active sense of modesty, and when feeding time hits I feel anxious, exposed, and stuck. It also doesn't help that I am big enough that I can't hold my baby in the traditional manner without suffocating her. I have to lay her on a pillow and hold my skin away from her nose.
Plus, I am working on losing weight. I didn't lose any baby weight after Cara was born. I have lost a few pounds in the last month, but it was by changing my diet. I have had to work to lose it. I don't mind doing this, but I need to in order to fit into my clothes again. Seriously, it's either that or buy a new wardrobe. Hence, I'm not producing enough milk for her and she gets so fussy- understandably, poor thing! Her tummy hurts!
So, the last couple of days I have been supplementing her meals with formula. There are too many health benefits to nursing for me to give it up altogether, but I like this supplementing thing. She has started taking naps again! She smiles and talks during the day! Plus, it opens up possibilities for leaving her with other people so we can go on dates and such.
Maybe it's wierd for me to genuinely not like nursing, but that's me, and I'm okay with that.
5 comments:
I'm glad you're finding something that works. Nursing is not for the weak at heart, that's for sure. It's hard work! And it's very annoying at times (like in public, as you mentioned). It took me a long time to enjoy it; so long, in fact, that by the time I was actually enjoying it, it was time to start weaning! So don't feel bad. It's not for everyone, and bottle-fed babies turn out just fine. (And I think a combination of the two is great.) Good luck!
Oh ya I know what you mean. I HATED nursing in public. It was hard to get everything just right then addie became the age where she didn't like being covered up and that was hard. Plus, like my mother, I can not lose weight breastfeeding. So that was hard on me. So when addie decided to wean herself (I know weird, right?) I wasn't completely heart broken (ok so I was a little bit).
I don't think its bad by any means that you don't enjoy it. Its a wonderful bonding experience but I don't think those who bottle feed don't love their children as much. I think its just about doing your best, like everything in life. Ok that was my rant.
I'm glad you're doing what works for you. I enjoyed nursing and can't wait to do it again, but I also started supplementing with formula at about 2 or 3 months. I absolutely hate pumping, and it was very liberating to be able to leave Chandler with someone else and a bottle or go to the store without having to worry that he would get hungry.
Oh, the ways we torture ourselves! If you don't want to nurse, don't do it. Tammy had a lot of trouble nursing and quit early. Good for her! I said to her, and I say to you, No one knows what's best for you and your baby than you do.
I nursed all of mine for various lengths of time and quit for what might be thought of by some people as frivolous reasons but I had to do what worked for me and my family.
Your mom, I'm sure, didn't always love it either. "Holly" said, 'Nursing is not for the weak at heart.' Well, neither is standing up to La Leche League!
Some babies don't take to nursing well. Ryan was one. Our own sweet Holly pumped for months and I totally admire her; I couldn't have done it. Later I found out she felt inadequate and guilty because she couldn't nurse him. And here she was going overboard to give him breast milk! That's why I say we torture ourselves!
I had a lot of trouble with Kevin and I remember sitting there trying to give a screaming baby a bottle because my milk wouldn't come in. He finally settled down to the bottle, and then I get a flood and what was I supposed to do? (I weaned him by 3 months after that happened a few times!)
I could go on all day; it sounds like you have given this a lot of caring thought and are choosing for yourself. Good for you!
My sister would agree with you. She didn't like nursing much and only nursed her son a few months.
Me, on the other hand, liked it, maybe too much. I was the crazy mama chasing my toddlers (my twins were 19 months old at the time) and trying to get them to nurse one last time before they completely weaned. They were ready to wean, but I was not.
Nursing is a time to rest, dream, and connect with our babies. Although plenty of times I would seethe and grumble, wanting to leap up and run around and get stuff done instead of sitting, sitting, and feeling too many days like a cow.
But there is always time for running and getting stuff done, not for nursing babies who will sooner than later grow up and away from us.
Glad you're sticking with it!!
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